Hate-Love #13: Bed/Cover Hogs

To the left is my bed which reminds me not only of how much I wish I was home right now, but how much I hate...

Bed Hogs. Bed Hog, cover hog, both are deplorable traits in a sleeping partner. There is nothing worse than being yanked out of a dream when you're about to defeat the evil emperor Zorg because all of a sudden you're FREEZING, only to realize it's because your partner is wrapped up in your comforter like a burrito. Similarly awful is waking up after a horrible nightmare where you're trapped in some killer's trunk only to find that you HAVE in fact been trapped...in the upper corner of your bed because your one and only decided that diagonal sleeping was the way to go that night. Furthermore, these issues aren't immediately fixable for a small person like me: trying to wrestle the covers from the 180 lb. gorilla that sleeps next to me is like trying to pry baked cheese splatter from the roof of the microwave with my finger-nails, and moving him when he's hogging the bed? I would have better luck herding a cow with chopsticks. Why is it that in a bed or cover hogging situation the offending party absolutely refuses to wake up no matter how much you poke, prod, or kick them? It must be some sort of amazing phenomenon for hoggers everywhere that each one is not only happily using more than their fair share of sleeping resources, but also sublimely unaware that they're doing it! I don't know about you, but I need my sleep. Without proper sleep I'm a walking stick of TNT that swears like a sailor and has a very short fuse. I'm also an exponentially more horrible driver (if that's even possible) when I'm tired, and have a troubling track record of hitting inanimate objects when operating on less then 5 hours of solid snooze time: it's just not safe!

at the same time, however...

I love...

Sleeping with someone else in the bed. I should get a t-shirt that says "sleeps well with others" because really, bed hoggers aside, I sleep far better with someone else than alone. I'm not saying I like to sleep around, or even that I require any sort of snuggle action during my dream cycle. In fact, my present bed-mate excluded, I would prefer that there be no touching at all; an extra person just has to be physically there. I think this preference comes from my intense fear of the dark, and thus I feel that a bed buddy would either protect me, confirm the presence of something strange or unsafe in the room, and/or act as a body shield in case of emergency. At the very least, someone else in the bed can be pushed out from the warmth and protection of the covers to "investigate" strange noises or creaking on the deck. I don't even need this other person to be male, this person could be female as well, though should preferably be rather large so that I can effectively cower behind him or her in a shootout (you know, because that happens to me allll the time). And those are just the perks of sleeping in the same bed as someone you aren't dating. Sleeping with someone you're dating, physical intimacy aside, is like sleeping on a cloud of rainbows and fairy dust. There really is nothing better than climbing into bed after a long day and cuddling up to my sweetheart as I drift off to the safety of dreamy dreamy land; as opposed to hiding under the covers by myself as I attempt not only warm my icicle feet but also protect myself from possible intruders with my magic blanket shield (if you can't see them, they can't see you...right?).