Hate-Love #1: Driving

I hate...

...Driving. It's boring, there's nothing to do but stare at a most usually unremarkable stretch of highway, and to top it all off, California drivers are some of the worst in the nation. Mostly, I hate driving because I'm terrible at it, and I'm terrible at it because I'm so uninterested in driving that I can't pay attention even while I'm doing it. Amazingly, I think other Californians suffer from similar, albeit worse, driving maladies than mine. I honestly don't know how many of the people here got their licenses to begin with, much less still have them. My lunch break from work is often disrupted by some entitled moron cutting me off and then having the nerve to flip me the bird because I was obviously in his way (read: sarcasm)! I often wish that I had a paintball gun mounted to the hood of my car with some sort of offensively colored orange paint (we will discuss the garishness of orange later) loaded into it so I could effectively display my distaste for my fellow driver's skills (or lack there of).

but when I really think about it...

I love...

That compared with all the awful California drivers out there, I don't look nearly as bad as I could. Seriously, if I lived somewhere like Connecticut, where I assume that the drivers are far more attentive and polite, they probably would have labeled me a hazard to public safety and thrown me out of the state altogether. I have been pulled over for driving with my headlights off at night no less then three times (and, no, I wasn't drunk), and just recently totaled my adorable Honda Civic because I was so busy staring at a really shiny art car stalled in the middle of the road that I smashed headlong into the (thankfully very sturdy) Subaru in front of me. I know, such idiocy takes practice, and I have been practicing terrible driving for many years now: I even nailed down the "worst driver" superlative in my Senior year of high school to kick off my dazzling driving career. I can't even tell you, however, how many California drivers are far worse: three of my close friends have lost their licenses from too many tickets in the past year alone! So, I love you untalented California drivers, for making me look less awful at driving than I really am.